epic.

Today, I left Ellie with a babysitter for the first time - a dear friend of mine who Ellie always really likes and who's great at calming her. I had my friend sit so I could go to a big baby-stuff swap meet. It actually wasn't quite as big as I was expecting, which was actually good because I thought it might be overwhelming. It was pretty cool; I got some stuff we needed (and some stuff I just plain liked). I think I'm going to have to put some stuff in to sell next time, though, because I think all the good stuff gets bought the first day, which is only open to volunteers and consignors.

I still managed to get loaded down with all kinds of stuff. A playmat, some DVDs, a book, some toys, a few ridiculously adorable outfits (yah, because she really needs more clothes), bottles, extra breast pump parts, pacifiers, and a lightweight stroller so I can walk her around hilly neighborhoods without having a heart attack. AND I stayed under budget. Word. It was truly epic, but only took about an hour, which is about as long as I can stand to shop anyway.

While I was browsing, I saw a woman from the prenatal class I attended while I was pregnant with Abigail. I gave her a quick smile and fled; I couldn't even look at her child. She was only a couple weeks behind me for due dates. I felt like such an emotional cripple. Most days I do pretty well, but every so often something triggers a kneejerk reaction like that. I think it'll always be hard for me to see kids Abi's age. Hopefully it will get a little easier as the years go by.

I came home and gave Ellie a big, long hug. She's such a darling, wonderful baby. I'm so freakin' lucky she's part of my life. She doesn't replace Abi, of course, but she helps my healing process immeasurably.